After our wonderful family left this evening I think things to get done.
I answered some emails. Then stopped.
I paid some more bills. Then stopped.
I worked a little. Then stopped.
My tolerance barometer for stress is either decreasing or I'm just becoming more tuned in and aware to my thoughts, feelings and environment... AND I like it.
In fact I think I switched busy activities this evening to sort of test myself to see it was a one-off situation. Nope. Feeling strangely at peace with my crammed but unfinished day and un-peaceful season. I'm only one person you know.
Grateful for all the friends in my life that let the Father orchestrate them to unknowingly tag team my life to somehow give me full coverage of support and a listening ear and prodding despite my availability.
Grateful for a husband that cooks dinner for family that comes over... and a family that doesn't mind our undone dishes, the fact that I am horrible at frisbee and had to slip away to finish a homework assignment.
Here is quote that brought me peace this morning. Though in our own eyes some seasons or weeks feel more predictable and others less predictable, really none of us know what tomorrow holds. That was a good reminder for me:
If you ever feel stressed because you're not sure where exactly you're going or how it's all going to work out just remember NONE of us actually know what the future holds. You just take it one day at a time, put one foot in front of the other and trust that you will be shown what you need to know as you go. Thinking you have it all figured out and your whole future mapped out is just an illusion anyway. Walk in faith and enjoy the journey as it unfolds. -M. Davies
In many ways this SHOULD be depressing because it is saying that NOTHING is certain. To me, however, it is so encouraging. It is a reminder that things AREN'T certain, even though my head likes to think things are sometimes. My head likes to pretend like I have control over my life. I don't. It's an illusion. SO, the fact that things feel less certain then usual right now, doesn't mean anything. I'm actually where I always am... with God in control of my life.... if I let him that is.
"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of it's troubles, it empties today of it's strength"
I am nearly certain that every thought I have thought has been thought by someone before. I am reminded by this when I read the writings of others and feel comforted by the familiarity of it.
So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me.And who knows whether that person will be wise or foolish? Yet they will have control over all the fruit of my toil into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless.
So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun.For a person may labor with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then they must leave all they own to another who has not toiled for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune.What do people get for all the toil and anxious striving with which they labor under the sun?23 All their days their work is grief and pain; even at night their minds do not rest. This too is meaningless.
A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God,for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
I wasn't sure. AND, like most things I am uncertain about I put them off. Another week passed and I wasn't any closer to a solid conclusion. So, I did what any other ordinary citizen would do. I was left with two options: juice or freeze. I juiced those darn beets and added the juice to my smoothie.
David and I giggled as we walked around the house with bright red mouths for an hour after. Apparently it would have made good fabric dye as well. Now I know for next time.